When Mother’s Day is Hard

Mother’s Day.  A day set aside to celebrate all the sacrifices that moms have made over the years for the benefit of their children.  For many, this is a joyous day filled with flowers, brunch, and memories of how mom has been and continues to be amazing.  Usually, mom “gets a day off” from moming, but still ends up having to put out some small fires or disagreements within the family unit.  At least that’s how it goes in my house. Kids gonna fight and nothing squashes a disagreement like mom counting to three. Nothing.

My husband, kids, and I celebrate my mothers day on Saturday.  The actual day can be a little painful for me, so Dennis (my hubby) takes the day before to do whatever I want to do with no interruptions.  The actual day of we go to church and spend the day with my mother and father-in-law. It’s great to focus on her and not to check the constant Facebook statuses of how everyone else has the world’s best mom.  Like I said… Mother’s Day can be a little painful.

Somewhere along life, my mom and I drifted apart physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  I had to guard my heart (Proverbs 4:23) from destructive behavior, which means I had to set some boundaries between the two of us, which didn’t go over well nor was it well received.  Since then, I have written my mom letters with no response, sent cards with no acknowledgement and reached out with no return. Though we are both physically alive, the relationship is very close to dead.  

I scroll through my Facebook feed seeing posts of my peers saying how blessed they are to spend the day with a loving mom.  I’m happy for them, but I mourn my own loss. I do realize that I chose to set up the boundary, but I honestly thought it would turn out differently.  I thought by some miracle of the Lord that eyes would be open, both hers and mine, and our relationship would be restored. All would be great. All would be healthy.  However, it hasn’t happened. Well, at least not yet.

For others Mother’s Day is hard because they are mourning a mother or child who has physically passed or a child who never came to be.  They mourn the child who walked away from them, which I imagine is how my mom is interpreting my actions but it isn’t the case. This day can be quite painful for many for reasons no one can understand or comprehend.  As I heard this morning from a dear friend, “Mother’s Day is one of the hardest days because there is so much emotion attached to being a mom… and having one.”

So when it comes to Mother’s Day, I choose to take on the words of Paul in Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”  Some days I will need a shoulder to cry on, and other days my shoulder will be soaked with tears. I may not be able to choose my circumstances, but I can choose my disposition and attitude.  To those who also have a hard time on Mother’s Day, you may be silent in your heartache but know that you are not alone. It’s okay to be sad and ask why, but don’t stay there. Find the joy. Guard your heart, and allow God to restore in a way that only He can.  There’s hope. Hang in there, little mama.

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