To my babies,
If I were to talk to my college-self, I never would have imagined being a mom. Daddy and I got married later in life, and by later, I mean late 20’s. In southern timeline, that is way late. I should have already had both of you before I was 30. BUT, I didn’t. So, there. Since I didn’t meet Daddy until I was out of both college and grad-school, I honestly thought I wasn’t going to get married, ever. However, God knew that I needed a man like Daddy who is kind, patient, and extremely good-looking. Never settle for less than what God has planned for you, kids. Never settle.
Being your mom is the biggest blessing and the biggest struggle I think I’ve ever had. Not that you are bad kids; you’re not. The Lord has used you to show me parts of my heart and soul that I didn’t know existed… both good and bad. The character traits that I aim to have or show, you easily show to others around you without bias or reservation. You always give hugs at the exact right time and know how to bring a smile to my face and those around you. Then, there’s the other side of the coin. The things that I can’t stand about myself you at times do. I’ve never taught you these attributes, but somehow you managed to pick them up. Great.
There are many days when I feel less than perfect. When my parenting looks less like Proverbs 31 and more like a Pinterest fail. It’s messy, but it’s made with love and probably tastes good. My honest to goodness fear is that I will lose my temper or yell too much, make too many mistakes, say too many wrong things that you will want nothing to do with Jesus. Not wanting to be around me, I can understand. There are times when I don’t even want to be around me, but to turn your back on the Lord because I sucked as a parent is too much to swallow. Way worse than any Pinterest fail.
In those moments of doubt, God has reminded me that if I was able find Jesus when I was a teenager, there is always hope for you. Through Christ, I beat the odds and have kept my faith. I’m not perfect. As you know, my sweet babies, I mess up. I mess up a lot. I am quick to tell you sorry and to ask for your forgiveness because I need you to know that I’m trying.
I sin and mess up like all people, so I apologize to you because you get caught in the crossfires of my failure.
I pray everyday that you will do more for the Kingdom of God than I ever could. I pray that God will reach entire nations through your faithfulness, especially when I’m struggling to see beyond my own situations and hurts. I want more for you than I want for myself because I desire for Jesus to make your life an adventure that only He can write.
To my son and my daughter, remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Nothing in your life is a surprise to God. No freckle or scar goes without purpose or plan. You have never been forgotten, nor will you ever be forgotten. God thinks of you more than I could ever dream, more than the grains of sand on all the beaches, both fresh and saltwater combined (It’s a Michigan thing.) There is no place you can hide from God’s love, even if I mess up as your mom. Jesus is bigger, His thoughts are deeper, and His commitment to you is stronger than anything I could muster up. (Psalm 139)
I love you more than I will ever be able to express into words. You are a blessing to me and Daddy, even on the days that are hard. I write this letter, not only for your benefit, but to remind myself that you are not really mine. You are God’s. He made you; I merely got to be a part of the process. So, no matter how many rough days we have or times I feel like the worst mom in the world, know that you are loved. I never thought I would get to be your mama, but I couldn’t imagine my life any other way. Thank you for your patience as Daddy and I are figuring it out. Thank you for your love and forgiveness.
Thank you for calling me “Mom”.